Article by Wendy McCance
I know someone who is always telling me that I have luck on my side. They are always telling me how envious they are of me and my life. It doesn’t matter what hardships I go through, this person will mention that things always work out for me and that they wish they had that type of life.
This same person is always complaining about their bad fortune. Their life seems dreary and hopeless and there is always another unfortunate incident that has happened in their life. I used to feel so awful for this person’s life. It seemed that they just needed someone to care, listen and support them. I would listen endlessly to the long list of tragic circumstances and try to give some suggestions on ways to get past the bad moments.
Recently, it hit me like a ton of bricks that this was the way this person was choosing to live. All of the endless conversations and woe is me moments were such a waste of time and energy. Every time it seemed that there was light at the end of the tunnel, the self sabotage would kick into high gear. This person was determined to continue this cycle and there was nothing I could do to help other than to withdraw my support.
There was always a mountain of excuses as to why something couldn’t be tackled and worked out. If a problem seemed to resolve itself, it was quickly replaced with the next bad event. Happy, peaceful, content, success, these are all taboo words that this person would never utter and a way they would never live.
I do need to clarify that the cycle this person is in is mostly self induced. There isn’t an abusive relationship, loss of job, illness or any other type of serious issue that would make fixing up their life much more difficult to achieve. This person owns a home in a decent neighborhood, has a good job, decent health, a good support system of friends and great kids. The issues that become absolute catastrophies for them are worries of weight, money, home repairs and not feeling attractive enough.
I was at work today and had a discussion with another realtor about this very subject. This agent is currently working with a couple who have high demands for a home and have been pre-approved for a home that would offer them not much more than they currently have. Their current residence is a house that is in major need of some basic repairs, but the couple doesn’t want to put any time into their current home and the repairs that are desperately needed.
The realtor doesn’t think they will get anywhere near what they owe on the home because of the problems with the home. If the couple were to fix the eyesores (which won’t cost much to do), they would stand to make a decent profit. These small tweaks to their home would afford them an opportunity to get much closer to the home they are looking for from the extra money they would make off their home.
Why do people sabotage their own happiness? Sometimes the way someone blocks themself from the happiness they say they want is evident. Other times, it takes some soul searching to realize that the sabotage has been taking place. Maybe it’s comfort in bad patterns that the brain registers as, this feels right when what they are doing is so wrong for them. I’m not sure if any of these people can even see what they are doing to themselves.
What I do know is that you have to feel truly uncomfortable with your circumstances along with a drive for needing something better in your life to begin to change these behaviors. Honestly, there is no magic pill for a better life. It is within your grasp if you allow it to be there.
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