Article by Wendy McCance
I bought a lottery ticket a few days back, just a scratch off for the hell of it. A few times a year, I will get the urge to buy a ticket and each time, I just go ahead and get it. The game I play in my head is that if the urge is there, maybe there is a reason to grab one. I don’t want to wonder what if, so I go ahead and let my urge for a ticket take over.
The ticket is currently sitting in the bottom of my purse. I haven’t even touched the lottery ticket since I bought it. I don’t even know what type of scratch off ticket it is because I had the cashier pick one out for me.
Every now and then, I remember it is still in my purse ready to play. I don’t do anything about it though.
I love to dream about hitting it big. What I would say to my family and what I would do with the money circles around in my head.
I haven’t wanted to find out if I won yet. I am having too much fun envisioning that the ticket that is sitting in my purse will change my life. I feel like I should hold out for that rainy day when my spirits are down and I need a jolt of happy possibilities.
This has gone on for enough days now that I am actually not sure if I want to ever find out. What if I don’t win? What if I feel disappointed because I only won a few dollars? What if I really do hit it big, am I ready for a windfall? Will winning a ton of money change my attitude about the way I work at my business? Will I lose my determination and become a slacker because I don’t need to worry about money?
Why do we play games with ourselves? Why must I continue to ask myself endless questions? I feel as though there is a toddler pulling at my pant leg with endless curiosity of what if and why. The fun is beginning to wear off as my mind spins out of control.
Will I finally give in and just scratch off the damn lottery ticket? I’m not sure. I don’t think I am ready yet to stop the game I have created.
One thing is for sure though, if I do hit it big, you will know. I won’t be able to hold in the news. I will probably have trumpets blaring and canned applause playing as you read the news of my winnings. Then again, that seems like a lot of work and a bit much. Maybe I will just let that ticket roll around in the bottom of my purse for a while longer.
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