Article by Wendy McCance
My oldest daughter is in high school. A common subject we discuss is about boys and dating. I have seen my daughter’s happy possibilities of a new relationship, and I have seen the dark moments of confusion and heartbreak.
During a conversation I had with my daughter recently, we discussed the complexities of trying to figure out why some people act in certain ways. There are so many missed signals, game playing, loss of interest and so on. How do you know what is going on when someone who seemed so interested in you suddenly becomes distant?
As my daughter was explaining a situation and trying to dissect each comment, look and attitude of an individual, it became clear to me that she was focusing on the wrong things.
The advice I gave to my daughter was this:
Always be true to yourself and to others. Don’t ever play games or show a side of yourself that isn’t completely genuine. Whatever a person is attracted to in the beginning of a relationship will decide how the relationship will play out.
For example, lets say you are always a little evasive and work at getting a guy to chase after you. That guy is always going to look for that trait in you. If it isn’t a true part of your personality, what attracted the guy to you in the first place is going to disappoint him when you don’t continue on in that manner.
My daughter mentioned a guy who would either not answer a text message, or would wait a day or two before replying. I explained to my daughter that in the beginning, people are naturally on their best behavior. They want to show themselves off in the best possible light. If not returning a message drives my daughter crazy, she needs to understand that this habit will go on or get worse with time.
Trust what you see and don’t make excuses for the other person. If the beginning of a relationship is not wildly fantastic, your future is not going to be much better.
Pay attention to what you see, how you react and how you end up behaving around an individual. A good relationship is highlighted by a couple who bring out the best in each other. You want to find that person that makes you want to be the best person you can be. They are supportive, loving and not only know who you really are, but celebrate what you are all about.
Everyone deserves kindness, generosity, patience and care in a relationship. Like I told my daughter, you should never settle just because someone is paying attention to you. You are worth so much more. Look for the person who makes you feel good about yourself. You need to feel comfortable in your skin. You should never have to second guess why someone reacted in an odd fashion. That person isn’t the one who was meant for you.
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