Article by Wendy McCance
Many of my readers have been along for this blogging ride since my beginning blog days. Throughout the years I have shared many bad experiences and what I did to change my circumstances. It was a relief to get all of my thoughts out of my head and onto the blog. A side effect of sharing my stories has been that there were other people going through similar situations who found comfort in the fact that they were not alone. It also served to inspire people to find some strength during their own hard times.
Over the years, I have taken what I have learned and shared it any time I saw someone struggling with something that I had struggled with. I wish that when I was going through these hard times, there had been someone there for me, but I held in a lot of what I was going through and didn’t think anyone would understand. To me, it looked like everyone else was leading a grand life.
These days, I seem to run into quite a few people going through hard times because of divorce, health issues or career problems. Each time, I have shared what I have learned in hopes it would help them to find a way to work through it, but also so they know that others really understand. They are not alone.
I remember my list of things I dreamed about at my worst moments:
1. A happy marriage
2. A nice sized home in a safe neighborhood
3. A job I was excited to have
4. Extra money for vacations with the family
5. Free time where I wasn’t working, doing chores or running the kids to activities
6. Friends that I could tell everything to
7. Support for the things I wanted to do in life
During this time of my life, this is what I was dealing with:
1. A horrible marriage
2. We had a tiny bungalow in a seedy neighborhood
3. A job that took up so many hours that when I was home, I could barely stay awake. My time at home was spent playing catch-up with errands, cleaning etc…
4. All the bills were always overdue and grocery shopping was stressful
5. There were never vacations
6. My friends were all leading lives where most stayed home with the kids. They had
nice homes and had good marriages
7. My dreams were knocked down by those closest to me. I had to make money
NOW. Trying to fulfill any dreams was basically irresponsible.
How did it all change?
My hand was forced. I had no choice. It was painful the way things played out, but now looking back, it was the only way I was to ever find the happiness I searched for.
1. I got divorced. My ex-husband was out of control and it became scary to live with
him anymore. I had to get away for my sake and for my kids sake as well.
2. I lost my job and had little college behind me. What could I possibly do for a job?
3. Health problems made working outside of the home impossible.
4. I was up against the wall. Either I could try to get state support, or I could figure
out how to make a living for myself. I didn’t want state aid, because I was terrified
it would be like a band-aid. It would take care of the moment (barely) but I would
still have to figure out how to get by in the future.
It’s those darkest moments in life that can bring out the best in us. When you are forced to deal with troubles that were continuously brushed under the rug, remarkable things can happen. It’s in these moments that you get the most creative and are able to just figure it out.
I now understand that the most horrible of times signals that if you get sick enough of your predicament, you can change your situation and come out of it a much happier person.
I still have health problems. They will be with me for a lifetime. It’s okay because I have found ways so that my issues don’t hold me back too much from doing what I want to do.
Overall, I have accomplished getting rid of every desperate situation and have replaced it with the best I could have ever wished for.
1. I am now happily married
2. I have the support of friends and family
3. I have a job I once could only dream of
4. The amount of money I make is up to me and how hard I work. No one can tell
me how much I will make, how many hours I will work or have me torn apart
because I missed a big moment in one of my children’s lives.
5. We have a nice sized home in a very safe neighborhood
6. Bills are no longer overdue and grocery shopping is enjoyable
7. Still haven’t taken a family vacation, but it shouldn’t be too long before we go on
If you are going through hard times, remember, you aren’t alone. Even if you can’t see the end of the bad times yet, better moments are just around the corner if you trust in yourself and take action to correct the things you don’t want in your life.
To contact Wendy McCance about a writing or social media assignment, interview or speaking engagement, please email her at: [email protected]
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