Article by Wendy McCance
I have been doing a lot of thinking about how well people really know each other. No matter how much you open up to a person and share your deepest thoughts, do they really know who you are at the very core of your soul? Do you really know them? Can you possibly express yourself in enough depth to provide a reasonable description of who you truly are?
I can feel myself evolve throughout a day based on what is happening in my life at that moment, who I am with, what I am doing and so on. There are so many facets to my personality. But, when it’s late at night and the house is quiet and I can listen to some music and write or even do some drawing, I feel like I have hit that nerve of truth. The very spot where I am my most authentic and yet, there is no one there to witness this moment. No one sees the transformation into my most comfortable self. It is left without anyone around to mark the moment and say that they really saw my truest moment and that they really get who I am.
Is it healthy to want to seek out this knowledge? To be able to understand someone this intimately? Or, is this a setup for disappointment and disillusion?
Late at night, I’ll listen to music and daydream and many times I’ll think about my husband and how we connect and the general state of our relationship. I have actually caught myself picturing him in my head as an artistic and deep type soul. It’s a version of the way I am but morphed into a male version and I form this connection. Why, if I know better, do I see him in this weirdly concocted romanticized light?
When I pull the curtain back and shake off the fake glitter and think about who my husband really is, I’m not disappointed that is for sure. I have been gifted with a man who is kind and gentle-hearted and funny, so very funny he makes me laugh every day. And I am happy and content to call this person the love of my life because he is, but he is not an artsy deep thinking type.
Do we all mold versions of people into what feels best at a particular moment. Does everyone see something that isn’t quite there but suits their fantasies of what they feel in that instant? Does anyone really know who someone is down to the very bottom of their soul? Do we really know the people we are closest to? Those we share our most private times with? Does mixing what you’ve learned about someone’s personality with a sprinkle of who you are and what you relate to best even if it’s not who they are make for a better relationship is some odd way?
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