Article by Wendy McCance
I made a mistake the other day. I felt strongly about a subject I had held in way too long and took it to the public section of Facebook. It all began like this; Someone I am close with has a boyfriend I can not stand. This boyfriend is controlling, manipulative, insecure and treats this close friend of mine in a way that I have unfortunately seen before. My first marriage went a lot like what I see happening.
This friend went through all of my trauma with me. She knows better than to get sucked into this type of toxic relationship. Unfortunately, I believe that my friend has always been fairly insecure and doesn’t give herself much respect in terms of what type of person she allows herself to associate herself with. A guy shows her attention and she looks for it to turn into the love of her life.
On Facebook, this boyfriend made some comments about his repulsion towards seeing a woman as a referee and that his view was that they should stay in the kitchen. Within moments of his post, many women took to their Facebook page telling this guy how offensive his comment was. Within a few moments more, this friend of mine took down his comment. I had been holding in my feelings for a long time. This friend does not ever want to hear anything but positive thoughts about anything she does in her life. I have been walking on eggshells knowing that if I said a word, the friendship would cease to exist. Seeing all of these friends of hers stating their views, I wrote something as well. I wrote, if you need to edit another person’s comment, maybe they aren’t the type of person you should be hanging around with. I got a reply from my friend that said, whatever happened to unconditional love and not judging others? My reply was, unconditional love is bullshit. If you see someone you love going down a path that is going to bring them pain, as someone who loves them, you can’t sit idly by and just watch it occur. You want to show love, support and care and would like to help them out. During this back and forth war of words, other people who had no idea that there was a conversation going on started putting in their two cents. Next thing I knew, my comments had a ton of likes and reply’s mirroring my view. That is when I realized that it should have been a private conversation and took it down.
What I was stunned by was the passionate responses I had read. Obviously this was a subject that had touched on many peoples lives. I was talking to my kids about their feelings toward unconditional love and what they would do in a situation like this with their own friends. I know this will sound extreme, but I compare it to a person who is standing there with a gun to their head ready to shoot. Should I get involved because I love them, care about them and don’t want to see something horrible happen to them? Maybe like my friend and her theory on unconditional love, I should just do nothing. Stand there give her my blessing and let her know that no matter what she decides I’m behind her unconditionally. Honestly, what a bunch of bullshit! If her idea of a friendship is to watch a train wreck, I’m not interested in seeing the carnage.
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