When you Express your Feelings, Do Other People Feel Like you are Judging Them?

your heaven is a dangerous place to play in

Article by Wendy McCance

I have often wondered when writing this blog how people view what I write.  Sure I get many comments, but I wonder how my articles are read.  If I pour my heart out on a blog, describing events in my life and the way they made me feel, am I judging others or just expressing how I feel?

My blog has always been completely authentic.  I have put fear aside and exposed my truest feelings on a variety of subjects.  I have enjoyed hearing how others feel about any given topic and how the same situation might affect them personally.  I have cherished these views as a way to grow and expand the way I understand myself, others and life itself.

Some people can read one of these posts and see it as one person’s feelings.  A person navigating the world around them with endless amounts of curiosity and questions on why things might be a certain way.  Other people tend to see a persons feelings tumbling out and exposed as a judgement on others.

It always makes me feel sad and rather uncomfortable when someone reads a post and reads it as a judgement onto others.  Who am I to sit on a pedestal looking down on others and exclaiming what is right or wrong?  I hope that it is understood that I am an individual who is just figuring things out in an out loud manner.  I have no interest or superior knowledge that would put me in a position to be the end all in a way that anyone should see the world or react to it.  If you read the title of the blog, it says it all.  I am just searching for the answers.  Looking for the happiness that makes life more complete.

We only get one life.  Why not ask the tough questions and look for ways to improve upon what you were given to work with?

What are your thoughts?  Do you have a tough time really exposing yourself on your blog, at work, to friends or family?  Do you believe you are living your life authentically?  Are you always looking for ways to grow and learn?  Do you feel like people misunderstand you when you say what is on your mind or do they get that it is how you personally feel?

Wendy McCance

Wendy McCance is a Michigan based freelance writer and social media consultant. Wendy has gained attention as the founder of the popular blog Searching for the Happiness which can be viewed in 9 local papers online, including the Oakland Press. The combination of writing skills and social media knowledge is what makes Wendy such a powerhouse to work with. Stay tuned for opportunities to advertise, guest post and as always, have your questions answered.

To contact Wendy McCance about a writing or social media assignment, interview or speaking engagement, please email her at: [email protected]

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12 thoughts on “When you Express your Feelings, Do Other People Feel Like you are Judging Them?

  1. Everyone has their own standards that they try to live up to, sometimes successfully, a lot of time not. But the point is that they are there and of value to you. If you try to please everyone or try not to offend anyone and tippy-toe round subjects that are important then you end up pleasing no one, especially yourself. So just say what you feel (that’s not being offensive) and let other people worry about whether they like it or not.

  2. One very useful tool I have learned to employ, to make sure my messaging stays positive, productive, and conveys my good intentions, is the ancient Sufi practice of the Four Gates of Speech (http://aligningwithgrace.blogspot.com/2010/07/four-gates-of-speech.html). If I take a moment to apply these as a filter prior to expressing myself, I am usually assured my communication is mutually beneficial, and not harmful to myself or others. Simply ask yourself:
    1) Are these words true?
    2) Are these words necessary?
    3) Are they beneficial?
    4) Are they kind?
    I hope you find this helpful; yet another tool I have acquired through my years of yoga practice.

  3. My life is an open book or maybe that should read blog since I share everything on my blog the good, the bad, the embarressing and the sad. It does bother me at times when someone will read a post and take it the wrong way but I can’t control how other people react to my posts so I deal and move on………….

  4. Your posts are so authentic, I can’t imagine anyone thinking you are judging them. Your opinions are always backed by real reasons. Your words have had an amazing impact on so many. No one wants to be misunderstood. My blog is turning onto some very controversial subjects. I only hope my readers will be able to see I am only asking the questions. Some sensitive subjects must be confronted without emotion. Your words have a beautiful balance. Keep being you!

    • Thanks. It’s hard sometimes and the self doubt follows. I can get several positive messages and one negative one and doubt how I am portraying a thought. Offending others is not fun. This is when staying true to who you are really becomes challenging.

  5. Thanks again for voicing your spirit authentically, openly, & compassionately. This serves as a helpful example for others who want to share and learn through life as they aim to comfortingly, productively, and rewardingly go live it. Even if & as all the words and messages fail to fit for all, your intentions are pure & worthy of being expressed and shared.
    Thanks once again. Continue on, at a comfortable pace …

  6. Hi Wendy,
    This dovetails another thought I had regarding another post I commented on this morning. Bottom line, people need to grow up. Many people have become overly-sensitive about hearing anything authentic or truthful. Your blog posts are based upon your observations about life, particularly your life. If readers don’t like what you have to say, they are free to stop reading your posts!

    You keep “doing you”. Don’t worry about coming across with a superiority complex. I have the same concerns as you and you know what? I’ve realized that people who care about possibly offending others have good hearts. People who ARE TRULY OFFENSIVE personalities could care less about offending others. Make sense? With over six billion people on earth, you’re not going to please everyone. You will make some people feel insecure. In most cases, this probably isn’t your fault or your issue. You can’t take responsibility for another person’s insecurities or personal demons.

    But being a fellow sensitive person, I TOTALLY get your concerns. (Hugs).

    • Thanks Terr. I received a comment today that just broke my heart. The person was reacting to one of my posts in a completely offended way. They missed the reason for the subject matter and took it to a really personal place. Sometimes writing is like texting. You are never sure you are getting what you really mean across to those that read it. I am fine with differences of opinion. I know I’ve hit on something good when that happens. I just hate when the difference of opinion is based on not understanding what I’m trying to express. Thanks for your comment. 🙂

      • Hi Wendy

        I think you should express what you feel. The expressions can take various forms. A classic example is you and your blog. Now some people express themselves by music. I would say people dont think that you are judging them by expressing yourself. If you express yourself to your husband , a natural reaction from him should be understanding your feelings and concerns and bringing you out of it. That builds a strong bond in a relationship. If for example a husband is thinking that his wife is judging him by expressing herself to him then i would say its a bit sarcastic approach

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